I’m not asking him to handle something, which I think puts a lot of parents on a defensive kind of posture. Why isn’t it working for me?”. during school … Those are short-term solutions. And when I hear that word (it’s something that’s just between me and the student), I say, “OK,” and I back off. We think it’s going to solve that issue of that, “I feel disrespected,” and it doesn’t. What I try to do now is just set an atmosphere in the classroom where kids know that’s not appropriate, and then when it happens, I just stop, and I say, “Can you rephrase that using the language of the classroom?” And kids do, and they apologize, because they know that that’s not something that I really like in the classroom. It’s one thing if that student is doing something and you’re cowering in a corner. Students are always watching, yes, but you aren’t tolerating that behavior now. That means you just let the “last word” stuff go, even though it feels horrible to do so. I’m the kind of teacher that I could stop a kid in his tracks with a look. Depending on how you grew up, your opinion on disrespectful behavior may differ from parents or other teachers. It relieves me of some of the natural, human feelings around how the child is behaving at that moment. If I’m walking in cold, I might not do this … but I’ll tell you what I don’t do. Absolutely. And when people get quiet, I start talking again. And when you do that sincerely, it’s really hard for parents to resist someone who cares so much about their child that they’re taking the time to apply the discipline, even when the parent doesn’t agree. Second, I would suggest that you handle it in-house if possible. The disrespect and incivility directed at an Instructor due to the expectation that class participation is part of the learning experience is foreign in my background of education as a student. I’m saying, “Here’s what I’m doing in support of the type of child that I think we’re both hoping that your son becomes, and here’s what’s behind it.” And every time I’ve done that — and I’ve had to do it quite a bit — I’ve secured the support of the parent. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes it may take four or five minutes, depending on the class. Some teachers might say, “Aw, do you need a hug?” and then the rest of the class laughs. If you have younger children who are messy, try this: Put their toys in a “rainy day” box to bring out … Our arrangement is that if you’re getting to the point where you feel like you can’t behave in this classroom, then you can go sit in the back of Ms. So-and-So’s classroom and finish your work there, and Ms. So-and-So knows you’re coming.” The student goes in her room, and sits in the back. When you show the parents that this is not a punishment (that’s what they’re protecting their child from, punishment), you’re teaching them that this is another learning opportunity. Students who come late to class "can disrupt the flow of a lecture or discussion, distract other students, impede learning, and generally erode class morale," says the Eberly Center at Carnegie Melon University. If the student’s trying to get you to react, and you do, then you’re playing his game. I stop. It’s another thing if students see you choosing to ignore that behavior. Then we figure out something that works. I don’t think teachers should tolerate disrespect, ever. But a disruption may not be a sign of disrespect. I’m trying to think of a clean, easy distinction, but oftentimes there isn’t one. You can also use the categories or search bar underneath to browse by topic and find exactly what you want. It’s not just about the request–there’s something else going on. If we have a class rule that says that we will be safe, and two students are shoving in line, we split those students up. You can do that at back-to-school night or in other ways. Then that’s a disruption. She's been supporting teachers through this website since 2003. book, Never Work Harder Than Your Students and Other Principles of Great Teaching. This post is based on an episode from my weekly podcast. If you need more practical ways on how to implement these steps, schedule a free coaching session here or contact me here. Because in that moment, whether you realize it or not, you are teaching. And if you make the choice to ignore it obvious, that’s the difference. So I need to know what’s going on with you, and we’re going to have to figure out something else that you can do instead, because that particular reaction doesn’t work. Do I not respond?” And unfortunately, there’s no manual for this because kids come up with all kinds of things that we’re not prepared for. The dangers of disrespect. There is no key that says if you’re this kind of personality, this strategy will work, and if you’re that kind of personality, this strategy will work. I’m sorry! Nowadays the language is so profane, but my kids know how I am about this from the beginning. One of the things that I find really challenging is that people will bring situations to me and they’ll say, “What should I have done?” And the truth is, I don’t know. But every time I’ve done it that way, I have found a way to reach the child. Make Consequences Time-Specific. Disrespect or lack of respect others … So let them vent and hear them out, because in their complaints you’ll always find the way to their hearts. And when somebody does something that’s a disruption or is blatantly disrespectful, it’s hard for me to step out of, “Wait a minute. People have to work on their own tolerance. When I see teachers out there who are sincerely trying to support students, I wish that I had a tactic, a magic word, something that I could give them that works every time, but I’ve not found it. When we sacrifice that bigger goal for a temporary win, we create other problems down the line, and it doesn’t even feel good to us. Somebody’s attitude rubs me the wrong way or does something that I feel is disrespectful when really there’s something else going on, and rather than taking the time to figure that out before I respond, I just react, and say, “Hold up. Giving out a different set of consequences for the same actions will undermine your authority. Parents may be accustomed to the school calling home about their child, and it feels like you’re tattling, or it feels like you’re saying their kid’s not a good kid. And you might be able to quash the rebellion in the moment, but you have lost the war, because. If you can’t get to the parent first and s/he is angry, let the parent vent BEFORE you talk. If you respond this way, you won’t get in trouble and we will stay cool (Yes, I speak in their language sometimes). The consequences of being disrespectful are not good either. The first way, you can be absolutely silent and say nothing. You can unsubscribe at any time. Part of doing business as a teacher is getting students to do what they don’t want to do ie. Sometimes it may take four or five minutes, depending on the class. I always assume that they don’t know or may need a refresher. A lot of times I don’t have to say anything. When a student refuses to comply with a simple request, most of the time there’s a bigger issue at stake. List of Logical Consequences for Teens: The consequence of disrespect — He doesn’t respect me, I don’t respect him. What you’re trying to do is get the student on your page, not get on the student’s page. One of the things I shrink from whenever we talk classroom management issues is espousing a particular strategy because those strategies work if you have a particular personality. Grandma’s rule of discipline is a simple but effective way to get your … 3. I’m the kind of teacher that I could stop a kid in his tracks with a look. So I say, “Put your phone away,” and then the student just doesn’t do it or says no, and then I say, “How come?” calmly. Constant interruptions can interfere with focus. I’ve had those situations where you’re sitting there and you’re thinking, “Oh no. . A natural consequence is something that automatically results from a person’s action. And when I hear that word (it’s something that’s just between me and the student), I say, “OK,” and I back off. If something happened in school that day, make the call home. Get the story to the parent before the child does. And if you make the choice to ignore it obvious, that’s the difference. It may manifest in the classroom with a lovely teacher or in the teller line at the bank. The third way, you say, ‘ Yes’, or ‘Yes, Ms, Holiday.’ Do you understand?”, He nodded his head yes. But a disruption may not be a sign of disrespect. Is the goal of that exchange to prove to the other students that you’re in charge, especially when so many things can go wrong, or are there other ways to show students that you don’t tolerate that kind of behavior? When I’m planning my consequences and my responses, I plan it with the same intention that I would plan a learning activity. Even if it is. So I think it’s important that you have to make that choice obvious, however you choose to do that, but you don’t have to engage it or escalate it. Disruptions, I may or may not ignore them. Find out why the student is being disrespectful. In fact, how depressing would it be if that weren’t possible? Set up a “bickering table” . I’ve had situations where the student’s comments did not match their intent. But typically I consider: Is the child trying to challenge my authority in the classroom? And then once I’ve got everybody moving where they need to go, then I’m going to go deal with that student, and at that point, it’s not about the phone. Absolutely. Are they getting attention from you or their peers? Look, he got away with it.”. Effective Punishment for the Adolescent Used selectively with adolescents, punishment can have corrective influence. It means that the student just realized that things won’t be business as usual. Time-specific means that your child has a certain length of time … You lay it out before things go badly, so that you have precedent there, and it’s not the first time parents are encountering your expectation for their support. Some teachers look disappointed, some teachers look sad but not cowed. Don’t view the disrespectful behavior as a personal attack. I’m old-fashioned. Are they trying to gain control of the situation? Not just because “no one deserves to be treated like a doormat,” I just think it’s hard for kids to learn in that kind of environment where they feel like they’re in control of the classroom. This way, I know that my students have the tools they need to be respectful. It doesn’t. But in most cases, they’re like, “I don’t know why you keep calling me. They’ve created a bigger issue. You just have to remember: Who’s in charge? That’s how you get the kids who just go off. When I see teachers out there who are sincerely trying to support students, I wish that I had a tactic, a magic word. I’m sorry!” But that’s who I am, right? And a lot of times you’re reacting in ways that, to me, feel out of proportion for what I’m asking you to do. Then I asked him, “Which one do you want to use?”, He told me, ” I’ll just say Yes, Ms. Holiday.”. And in giving him a consequence on this level, we save him from having to face an even more dire consequence later on. Consider the Reason. Don’t view the disrespectful behavior as a personal attack. As students, we don’t deserve to learn in a negative environment. . Consequences can stop misbehavior in the moment. Anything. I let them vent, and when they are done yelling, then I will come in and talk. Many teachers deal with disrespect in two ways. This is a hard situation, and it’s hard to take the long view of things. The learning process for other students is affected when one or more students behave in a disruptive manner. Natural consequences are different from punishments. I’m going to get instruction going and then check in with the kid, because if not, that’s how you get those blow-ups. The goal of this step is to focus on following the sequence and being consistent. Consequences can be negative or positive. Disrespect has become a common issue in today’s society. I think we have to distinguish between disruptions and disrespect, because not every disruption is disrespectful. If parents are being disrespectful, they’re cussing you, they’re calling you outside of your name, you can stop the conversation until they can calm down, and then solicit some support. Here are a few other posts that might be helpful. You’ve got a chance to get it back a half-hour before bedtime, so don’t blow it.” Your child: “Whatever. It's just human nature; some personalities clash. What should you do for minor behaviors that don’t necessarily warrant some kind of consequence, but that you can’t let slide every time? If it’s a simple request like “put your phone away”, and they don’t do it, I move on. Your email address will not be published. Or maybe you respond with humor. Give your kids a time to argue and get it all out. Discuss consequences if he breaks your house rules 2. There are some people who haven’t found their teacher look yet, or whose look isn’t as ferocious, and so they shouldn’t try the look. Have the committee educate itself about disrespectful behavior, define the behavior, list examples of the many forms it can take, and establish an action plan that specifies how to identify disrespectful behavior, respond to it, and measure the success of organizational efforts. I don’t have anything like, “All you have to do is ___ and you can have that kind of culture.” There are a lot of things that go into it, including not just the personality of the students, but the personality of the teacher. We have to be really careful about how we interpret student behavior, because a lot of times in our frustration, we end up interpreting things as disrespect that were never intended to be disrespectful. And you’re not just teaching that student: every student who witnesses it learns something, too. Because if they replaced you with an entirely different person, but in the same circumstances, the student will still be disrespectful. The first thing is that you have to keep in mind the longer game. What are the kids going to say? How should you respond to the little things students do that are rude, disrespectful, or just annoying? Wait a minute.”, Especially now, because a lot of times when I’m teaching or doing demonstration lessons, there’s a lot riding on that demonstration. Even in how you ignore, you can look at the student sadly, shake your head, and then keep moving with what you’re doing and get everybody back on track. This is a hard situation, and it’s hard to take the long view of things. So decide what you have in your classroom environment that the student will lose if they continue with the disrespect. I’m sorry! You have to know what behaviors are acceptable for you and then be able to teach it. Now that you have taught your student how to be respectful, you are doing one of two things: 1- Reinforcing the desired, pre-taught respectful behavior (i.e. When you send behavior issues out of your classroom, often it takes the power and control away from you and gives it to the other person. At no time should a student be disrespectful or refuse to cooperate with the driver. A few words of advice. I try to make a case for why what I’m saying is more important, and try to secure their respect. It’s not that you are tolerating or they can get away with it. I let them vent, and when they are done yelling, then I will come in and talk. Understand the teenage brain. Students won’t think that he got away with it if you are effective in that post-classroom conversation, and the next day he comes to class and he’s well-behaved. I’ve had parents get off the phone with me, leave work, and drive up to the school in order to just yell at me in person. Oh, no. There are going to be days when it’s going to get to you. The teachers I’ve seen pull off this off created a classroom culture that is a good fit for their own personality and the personality of the kids involved. I immediately followed his behavior with great feedback. I’m going to bed … Oh, no. We have to get this behavior out of him.”. Teenagers are a handful -- and then some! So disrespect I never ignore. Picture this: The second grade is busy working on their rain-forest projects, cutting out pictures of animals from magazines and gluing and pasting, when suddenly theres an argument over materials and Amy rips Maddies project in half. Natural Consequences. No. I’m taking your phone away until you’re not disrespectful for four hours. See blog posts/transcripts for all episodes. And you might be able to quash the rebellion in the moment, but you have lost the war, because classroom management/discipline is supposed to be about helping our students become better at managing the learning and managing themselves. Find out why the student is being disrespectful. You want to make sure that you’re teaching the right lessons in every interaction. Meaning what came out of their mouth sounded very disrespectful. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing her speak in person a few times and I just hang on her every word–there’s so much good info there. And a lot of times that gets them talking so I can find out what else is going on. Consequences are the action, activity or word that will take place once a certain behavior has occurred. How every day with 10-20% of their class is a battle. When you don’t have the support of the parent, when it seems like they feel their child can do no wrong, you need to talk about the discipline not as a punishment. 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